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Feed The Alligator

Published: Jun 27, 2012 by admin Filed under: Humor

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices, shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women, skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.


The Talking Centipede

Published: Jun 27, 2012 by admin Filed under: Humor


The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede ' s house and shouted,

"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"

This time, a little voice came out of the box,

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting my ***** shoes on!"


The Pastor's Salary

Published: Apr 2, 2012 by admin Filed under: Humor

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation
and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that
whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided
to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary. A great
deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's
additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could
potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair
and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as
He gives us.' Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in
her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of
it, we wear rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen"


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